The platonic ideal

Female friendships are blissful, don't lose them

There’s no feeling like falling in love. The beginning phase is so intoxicating that some people chase it for decades, coupling up and then fleeing when the initial buzz fades, off to seek it somewhere new. Understandable in your twenties, tiresome in your thirties, really gross after that. I’ve never done drugs (except weed, and the last time I smoked, my mother found me sitting on the kitchen counter having eaten half a hefty cake*) but I imagine the high is similar.

Romantic love isn’t the only way to get this high, thank God. There’s something about female friendship which provides a similar feeling, one which doesn’t fade after the first flush. The relationship I had with my first proper best friend felt a lot like this. Relief - oh I’ve found my person! Exhilaration - she gets me. Love - I want to spend all my time with her. It is so unbelievably heady to stumble upon those friendships, to hope desperately that they’ll work out, to hold your breath and wait to see if the other person feels the same way. And you’re lucky, and they do, the feelings don’t fade. You never get frustrated that they leave their pants on the floor, you never bicker about domestic duties, you don’t build those tiny resentments you get with romantic partners over time which threaten to mushroom and explode. With true friendships, you often give each other a grace that isn’t always on offer in a romantic relationship. But that doesn’t mean they can’t falter in other ways.

When a friendship like this comes along, you don’t even entertain the possibility that it might one day fail. But sometimes, of course, they do. Even after decades, a friendship might fracture, explode after one big fight or just (and maybe this is the most surprising in its quiet devastation) just fade away until one day you realise you no longer have your person. The heartbreak that comes from a friendship breakdown feels as painful as a break up doesn’t it? Only you can’t take a day off work and wallow in the sadness. You can’t call up your best friend and unleash all your emotions, not when she’s the one who’s gone.