I am judging you

It’s not because I think I’m morally superior. It’s because I’m scared!

I am a horribly judgmental person. I realised this on the train back from Scotland this weekend when I saw a woman put her feet up on the seat and was immediately ready to throw down and fight. Ten minutes later a man started watching YouTube videos without earphones and my first thought was that the death penalty was abolished too hastily. When people walk too slowly, I mentally deduct character points from them. When they stand in the middle of the street hunched over staring at their phone, my brain decides they must be rotten to the core. Woe betide I see someone buy The Daily Mail.

To my mind, there are different levels of judgement. The first is a condemnation of who people are or how they live. I’m not talking about a person’s sexuality or religion - decrying these things is pure bigotry - but more judging someone for their sexual activity, their ideals, their moral compass. I don’t think I’m too judgy in this category. When I was younger I wanted to conform so desperately that I was much more censorious in my thinking (the school I went to was nothing if not old fashioned and traditional). If you’d told me you were polyamorous when I was twenty, I’d probably have been quietly horrified. I’ve let go of that inbuilt prudishness as I’ve gotten older, realising that some things are none of my business and letting go of the idea that other people’s choices have to align with mine. More importantly, I no longer think there is a ‘right’ way to live, and understand that boxing yourself into other people’s idea of said ‘right’ way will slowly break off bits of your spirit.